'Tis the Season for the Wii, Fa la la la la, la la la la

Boy, this four-day weekend has gone by fast!  I was planning to log in and try to get some work done today, since my coworker may have to attend a funeral on Monday, which would put me in charge of the current training class for the day.

However, I forgot that Michael and I were scheduled to go to Dutch Wonderland with some friends this afternoon.  It should be a lot of fun and hopefully the weather will be good.  It is sunny right now and supposed to be in the high 30s/low 40s, but with snow later tonight.  Last time we went with the weather forecast, we drove into a blizzard that started five hours early!

This was definitely the Christmas of the video game at our house.  We have never purchased a game system before, but we took the plunge this year and got a Wii.  Since my brother decided to buy the player for us, Santa brought the extra remotes and stuff we needed to play together as a family plus an extra game to play.  Michael pretty much wants to play Mario Kart all day long, but hasn't protested too much when we told him to take a break. :)

I used the money my in-laws gave me for my birthday to get a Wii Fit Plus, so we spent some time last night getting that set up for the three of us.  Michael's real age was 15, so he was very excited.  Bob & I weren't as excited to test a few years older than we actually are, but I am just surprised it didn't tell me I was ready for retirement!  I set a goal, so we'll see what happens.  I haven't seriously tried to lose weight since the year before I got pregnant because I just assumed I would fail, which I know isn't the right attitude but is how I feel.

I just know that I need to get myself in better shape before my health is seriously jeopardized.  With the last 20 pounds I put on, my reflux has gotten worse and I have developed some mild sleep apnea, both of which interfere with my sleep.

How Reflections Turn Into Rambling

It's so interesting to reflect back on a year that has passed.  As I sit on my bed this morning relaxing with a day off instead of going to work, I am thinking about how my job has changed over the last 12 months.

I was given an additional job responsibility at the beginning of this year which was a great source of stress to me for much of the year.  There is still one part of it that I detest because it is so far out of my comfort zone, but there are other parts that I have learned and can do easily, although they take quite a bit of time.

....... 20 minutes later ......

Well, so much for relaxing in a quiet bedroom.  My son came up to inform me that it was 8:00 and he wanted to play on the computer, so now there are electronic noises coming from the next room.  In doing this, he let one of the cats in, who now wants to climb between me and the computer to be petted.  Then my husband came in to announce his plans for the day and discuss what he wants my help with.

I know this is all part of life and I am thankful for my family, but sometimes I get so frustrated not to have more than 10 minutes of peace at a time.  I think the worst part is the unpredictability of it, the not knowing how long I have before something happens.  Why is this such a problem for me?  Do other people feel this way?  When I think about it, it seems like my difficulties all come back to my need to feel like I have everything under control in every area of my life and my anxiety when something happens that's outside of my control.

Okay, now I am totally rambling.  I was going somewhere with this thought originally, really, I was, I promise.

**BTW, I'm not sure if anyone tried to comment on my earlier post, or if there really isn't anybody listening to this anymore.  I enabled inline comments but when I tried later on in the day to leave a comment, I couldn't get it to work.  So I went back to the regular comments and they seem to be working okay.**

Tap, Tap... Is This Thing On?

Anybody still out there?

I know it's been a loooong while since I posted here, and I noticed looking back that it was this same time of year when I started this blog.  I guess you can tell that December is a stressful month for me.  Between worrying about how my son will handle all the changes in routine and all the excitement of the holidays, I also have to face my own stress over all the many details that go into this time of year.  I hate to not be in control of things and this time of year just makes me realize how little control I really have.

I do have to say that it has been a better year than in the past, however.  I can definitely tell that my depression impacts me less this year, and I have been able to step back and be a bit more objective about the things that are stressing me out.  Because, really, we are all pretty healthy and we have jobs and a roof over our heads, food to eat and toys to play with - more than many other people in the world.

I am thinking I am going to try to write here more regularly over the next year.  Having a place to just let my thoughts out without editing or censoring them is such a wonderful thing for me, and I start to suffer when I neglect that need to process and release the stuff that is churning around inside me.

Seriously, let me know if you're still there, okay?  I'm interested to know who's listening in!

It's Monday; Here We Go Again!

I just spent two hours working from home because my son has a doctor's appt this afternoon and I will be going in late.  I can't tell you good it felt to be making some inroads on the pile of stuff needing to be done.  Most of my work time right now is being spent on a new project that has me completely lost and feeling worthless, but after having a total meltdown at work on Friday, I decided to switch my focus until I can get my equilibrium back and hopefully get the direction I need from the powers that be.

I have been feeling lately like I just want off the treadmill, that there must be some way to make my life not be so stressful all the time.  But I know that really the feelings of stress come from within me.  Sometimes I feel energized by everything I need to do, and excited about diving into new or difficult challenges, and other times I get teary-eyed just thinking about having to start a hard project that's on my list.

Case in point, we have an upcoming IEP meeting.  The team of people at my son's elementary school is very supportive of him and willing to listen to what I have to say, and I pretty much know what I want to happen, but just getting it all together in one clear, concise list is proving very difficult for me.  A friend and I sat down and went through my notes, and she even studied them herself and emailed me her thoughts (a huge help!), but lately when I start thinking about the future, I get a little panicky about all the things that could go wrong.

My biggest issue with school is my frustration with the inconsistent follow-through across settings, largely caused by the (I don't want to say lack, because they do try) need for more support and education of the various teachers.  I have lots of ideas to be proactive and do what I can do to help, but all the other pressures of life keep squeezing in and then I am up against the gun and not ready.

It's the same thing with blogging; I get lots of ideas but then if I don't get them down on paper right away, I have trouble recreating them later.  Maybe I need to get one of those mini recorders, although I tend to ramble (have you noticed?) and it would take forever to listen to everything I thought was important and insightful at the time.

Things aren't all bad, by any means.  On Saturday, I had the privilege of attending a women's luncheon for autism moms at a local church.  It was a wonderful event, and the speaker was a fellow blogger, which was pretty cool.  Her name is Ginger Taylor, and she blogs at Adventures in Autism.  She really shared her heart with us, and it gave me a lot of food for thought.  I wish we had taped it so I could hear it again; there were so many things I'm sure I didn't completely get the first time.

The whole afternoon was such a blessing and was made even better by the fact that my husband had taken my son away for the weekend, giving me some much needed quiet time.  What a great guy!

How many more days left in April???

I can hardly believe how long it's been since I posted - April has been a whirlwind of a month.  It's that time of year when I am trying to work on summer plans (childcare, summer programs, possibly vacation), right in the middle of getting ready for a new IEP. 

Plus there have been several autism-related events that I am involved with to some degree. In fact, I am writing this as I print out table tents for the mothers' luncheon taking place this Saturday.  Wouldn't you know it, right when I started to work on these the other night, we ran out of ink in the printer, so I had to make a trip to the office supply store for that, which I did this morning while picking up the supplies we were missing for our ASD HOPE workshop tonight!  Luckily, I had the foresight to ask for the day off, especially since we are taking our two speakers to an early dinner at 4:15.

I am so relieved about the meeting tonight because we are bringing in the speakers from out of state and didn't have very many RSVPs at this time last week.  But now we are up to over 40, plus we are going to be able to record the presentation and have DVDs made of it.  So the investment will pay off as we have the DVD to share with new families interested in learning more about biomed stuff.

Work has been a bit stressful as well, with a new responsibility that is actually taking up 75% of my time.  It is a new area and I am learning by trial and error (mostly error), plus my other work hasn't seem to have gotten the message that it is supposed to shrink down to an hour a day. To add to the fun, we recently received a 5% pay cut, which may turn into 10% after another month.

Next week I get to go in for another endoscopy.  I have a small esophagus, and the last time I had it dilated was in 2006.  So I am definitely due for one, and I just started noticing food getting stuck a few weeks ago.  Much better to schedule it right away than wait for something to get lodged in and have to go to the emergency room and have them push it down, especially since they won't dilate it there and I would have to go to the endoscopy center anyway.

In the middle of all this, God is certainly providing for us, though.  Not an hour after learning about my pay cut, I received a call about a possible side job that I could do in the mornings or evenings.  It's a temporary position, which works for me, so we'll see how that pans out.  I was also worried about finding someone to watch Michael and take him to school when I go in for the endoscopy, but then I got a note home that it's their class field trip, and all kindergartners have to go all day!